If you’re rational (or try to be): what you believe to be real and true will be based on what you see around you.

Except: what you see—and more importantly what you remember—is dependent on what you believe.

It’s a self-fulfilling loop. If, for example, you assume people are cruel or resources are scarce or you’re not wanted, you’ll find all the evidence you need to affirm these things. You’ll notice the prick at the grocery store; you’ll see greed and starvation; you’ll feel cold shoulders.

That’s confirmation bias. (And also, where the cold shoulders are concerned: total fabrication based on biased interpretations of ambiguous body language.)

There’s a whole lot of everything in the world; you see what you want to see. So, if you’re tired of the picture you’ve painted for yourself, start looking for a new story.

You won’t believe the new one right away—you won’t have reason to believe it. But as you keep telling it, you’ll open up to corroborating evidence. You’ll still see some of the old nonsense, but you’ll also start to remember the new stuff. You’ll see people waving cars into tight traffic; you’ll see “lucky” success stories; you’ll wonder if that smile was for you.

Eventually, the new evidence won’t appear as “exceptions to the rule.” The rules will change, and the old evidence will become the aberrations.

It’s not quick. It might take years—or decades. It might require a whole lot of mindfulness and breath-work to tell the new story without calling yourself an idiot mid-way.

But it’s possible. At least, that’s the story I’m telling.