What's up, world? It's a Sunday and I'm writing. I'm also drinking real coffee for the first time in a while (I've been drinking Four Sigmatic mushroom coffee recently). I missed this stuff. We'll see if my stomach chastises me for it later.

Today is the day after Arche's 1st birthday! My pup is a year old.

How?

I've had a dog for ten months now?

What?

I keep waiting for someone to come by and say, "thanks for taking care of this guy; hope it was fun!" while they take him back.

It's been ten months and it still hasn't set in that this is my guy for life. (His life, at least.) It's strange. Is that a "me" thing? Do other people feel the same? Do people feel the same with kids?

It's not that doing dog-things feels strange; going to the park every morning, feeding him--all of that is normalized. It's the permanence that's strange. It's thinking I'll still be doing all those things every day ten years from now that's strange. I guess I'm just used to things not really changing dramatically in my life. Everything that happens is either insignificant or temporary. Like...no matter what happens, I'll always return to this same stais-state.

Hmm.

Yeah--it's as if I established a baseline in my mid-twenties, and that became my normal. I might walk out of that bubble here and there--maybe I go on vacation for a few months; maybe I get in a temporary relationship; maybe I try a new hobby; maybe I do new work--but I know I'll always return to the safe place.

It feels very...physical? The analogy of wandering out of a white padded bubble to explore the real world before scurrying back seems very appropriate.

As opposed to just...being outside and constantly moving forward.

Interesting. If I had a therapist, I bet they'd be quite satisfied with our progress today.

It's strange: if you ask me if I had a fear of change, I would say, "no." I embrace change. I love moving apartments, for example. I tend to take tragedies in stride. But this view of myself in the world doesn't really gel with that.

Maybe I'm so unfazed by change because it rolls off the bubble I live in. The world outside could be rocked, set on fire, and turned upside down--doesn't matter, my safe space is fireproof. I'll just poke my head out into the new world out of curiosity before returning to the shell.

How common and how serious is this issue of bubbles? How many of us feel like we live in the same world--both just out in the open? How many of us hide and lock our doors? Is this some mental/perspective equivalent of moving into caves a million years ago?

Well, now we're out of my scope.

Analogies are a crazy thing. (I'm pivoting.)

Like...I'm just telling a random story about how I see the world. It's not REAL, this bubble. In no way am I literally retreating to this safe space. But damn...once I paint the picture it feels one-hundred-percent true. I may as well have a physical bubble for how real it seems right now.

That's my view of the world right now. It's as real as the idea that someone else might read this. And it affects me. This analogy has physical affects on my mood and my confidence.

I could use it as an excuse to avoid a new job or relationship. Ex: "I need to learn to live outside of my bubble before getting involved."

I could also use it to encapsulate some broad grouping of issues I run into; living outside the bubble would solve them all at once.

I think there's something to that. I could incorporate this idea into a mindfullness routine. I live out in the world; the safe bubble doesn't exist; life isn't about exploring and retreating--rather a linear journey. By repeatedly focusing on those ideas I can shift my beliefs, then slowly and radically change how I live my whole life.

I like this. Because whether or not we give voice to the analogies, they do control us. We believe unspoken things and act accordingly. Capturing them in these visual/tangible expressions allows us to deliberately choose a different picture.

I currently live in a bubble, separate from the world.

I want to live out in the world. Goddamn that seems scary though. I literally picture leaving the caves with only a loincloth and an ill-made spear. I'm basically naked and asking to be run through by a panther.

Obviously that isn't what will happen...but I believe it. So I need to repeatedly tell myself that isn't what will happen--re-wiring some primal programming.

I think Arche gets to hekp with that. Because since I got him, it's like I moved the bubble--or I added a little extension to it. It's still closed off to the rest of the world, but it's now bigger. That's a cool step.

Now to leave it behind.

Shoot--do I need to get a sprinter van and literally run from the bubble? TBD.